Where the Quest Takes Us
by Mr. Jupiter
Summary: Issac's got a bone to pick with Piers, and he's going to Lemuria to pick it. Along the way, what kind of danger and excitement will he meet? Only time will tell!
1. Crouching Issac, Ticked Off Kraden

~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: No, I didn't die. I'm still VERY alive. I just took an... Extended leave of absence! Er, anyway, this is the pilot to my new story. If it's met with good reviews, then it shall live on! If no one likes it, then it'll go bye bye and I'll try something new. Anyhow, here is the world premier of...  
  
- - - WHERE THE QUEST TAKES US - - -  
  
Chapter 1: Crouching Issac, Ticked Off Kraden  
  
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'Twas a nice day in the town of Vault, which had swelled in size since Vale was destroyed. The Ex-Valeans were far too lazy to rebuild their beloved town, so they stayed in Vault to mooch off of it's all too generous citizens.  
  
Issac, the well known hero of Golden Sun, was playing catch with the well known hero of Golden Sun II, Felix. For whatever reason, neither of these young men talked more than in punctuation whilst they were main characters. As soon as Issac wasn't a leader, he started talking ALMOST as much as Kraden. Felix talked while he was the antagonist in GS the first, but as soon as GS the second hit, he shut up, but good.  
  
Anyway, like I was saying, the two friends were playing catch. And the owner of the Vault in was swearing loudly at them. Why? Because they were playing catch in their hotel room.  
  
"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE-" the Inn's manager said loudly, his face red. "I OUGHT TO KICK YOU OUT!!"  
  
"Relax, Larry! We didn't mean to break it." Felix said, as if there was no unpleasantness present. "It's just a little trinket! Lighten up!"  
  
"That 'little trinket' was a gift from my great great grandfather! IT'S WORTH MORE THAN BOTH OF YOUR LIVES PUT TOGETHER!!!" the manger said, spitting all over the rug as he did so.  
  
"I don't think so!" said Issac. "We're effing HEROES!!! We're worth ten times as much as some little trinket! A hundred times! A MILLION TIMES!!"  
  
"Calm down, Issac." said Felix. "I bet Larry just stayed up to late last night. We'll just go outside until he chills out."  
  
"Good idea." said Issac. "See ya later, Larry!" the manager picked up the golden urn the heroes had broken. He clutched it tightly in his fist.  
  
"My name is Phil." he said after them.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
"Ooh, look!" said Issac. "It's Kraden! It looks like he's coming home from the market."  
  
"Heh heh heh..." Felix laughed evily. "I'm cravin' some mischief. Aren't you?"  
  
"Indeed..." Issac said, rubbing his palms together. He found a fairly large crate. He crouched behind it, and motioned for Felix to do the same. They both waited in silence for Kraden the Old to reach them. When he did... Well...  
  
"YAHHH!!!" Issac yelled, leaping out from behind the crate. As he flew through the air, all seemed to move in slow motion. For whatever reason, this happened when he was excited. He saw things in slow-mo. He called it his "Issac Sense." Anyway...  
  
"WHOA!!!" Kraden said, as Issac grabbed one of the bags he was carrying. He dropped the other one with a loud crash.  
  
"Ha ha!" Issac said, landing his dive with a perfect foreward roll. He looked in the bag he had snatched from Kraden. "What's in the bag?"  
  
"Herbs. NOW GIVE IT BACK!!" Kraden said, making a vain attempt to snatch the brown paper bag from Issac.  
  
"What was in the other bag, you know, before I broke it?" Issac asked.  
  
"Jars of medicine! I need them, seeing as how I work at the sanctum now!" Kraden explained, not keeping the anger and annoyance from his voice.  
  
"You work at the sanctum?" Felix asked from his hiding place behind the crate.  
  
"Yeah, only for the last THREE MONTHS!!" Kraden said, grabbing his bag from Issac and stomping off in a fury.  
  
"Well, it would seem we ticked off Kraden the Old." Issac said with a grin. "I consider this day seized!"  
  
"Tomorrow we shall tick off Garet the Dumb, or maybe Jenna the Mouthy!" Felix said with a laugh.  
  
"We have such creative nicknames for our friends." Issac remarked.  
  
"Indeed we do. Anyways, what shall we do next?"  
  
"I decree we go for a swim, chap."  
  
"I second that motion!" Felix said. The two walked toward the river with a laugh.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: Well, how was it? Remember, your reviews seal the fate of this little story. The future chapters will be longer, just so you know. This was just a pilot. Hope to hear from you! 


	2. From Lemuria with Love

~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~  
  
Chapter 2 ~  
  
- From Lemuria with Love  
  
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The day following Issac and Felix's old man provoking, Issac woke to find a dark, rainy day outside. 'Great. Just great.' he thought to himself. What was he supposed to do in the rain? He and Garet's big ol' plans were ruined, or at least postponed.  
  
"Issac, honey, would you come downstairs and help me?" Dora called.  
  
"Where's dad? Why can't he do it?" Issac moaned back.  
  
"Ever since you got back home, you've been pinning all your chores on your father! Give the poor man a break!" Dora said, getting annoyed.  
  
"Fine, fine." Issac said. He had lost this round, but he wouldn't fall to her legions next time! "What exactly is it I'm doing?"  
  
"You're helping me and your dad find a new house." Dora answered.  
  
"Ooh! Where are we living? Can we live in the Apoji Islands? Or Madra? Or..." he was cut off.  
  
"We're living right here in Vault, with the rest of our friends." Dora said plainly.  
  
"FAH!!!" Issac said, picking up a vase and chucking it out the window.  
  
"OW!" said a voice from outside.  
  
"Whoopsies. Gotta run!" Issac said, bolting into his room. Dora ran to the window to see if the man who was struck by Issac's moment of rage was alright.  
  
"Are you alright?" Dora asked the man. It was Petey, the postman.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine. I must say though, you really need some anger management classes." Petey replied.  
  
"WHAT?!" Dora screamed. "Uh, I mean... It was my son, Issac who threw that vase."  
  
"Oh. Anyway, I have today's mail for you." Petey said.  
  
"Bring it up!" Dora said back.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
"NO, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T!" Issac yelled to seemingly no one.  
  
"DARN!" came a voice from seemingly no where.  
  
"I KNOW! IT REALLY SUCKS!" Issac screamed.  
  
"Issac! Who are you talking to? And why must you talk so loud?" Dora asked, walking by and noticing that her son was screaming to no one.  
  
"I'm talking to Garet!" Issac said.  
  
"Where is he?" Dora asked, peering into Issac's room.  
  
"He's in his hotel room! It's right next to ours, so we can talk through the walls!" Issac said, as if it was something everybody did regularly.  
  
"If you want to talk to Garet, go over to his room and talk like CIVIL HUMAN BEINGS!!!" Dora said, her face turning red with anger.  
  
"Fine, fine." Issac said. "HEY GARET! I'M COMING OVER THERE!!!"  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
Issac knocked on the door of Garet and his family's hotel room. Garet's mother answered.  
  
"Oh, hi Issac. Good to see you." Mrs. Jerra said with a smile on her face. "Garet's in his room."  
  
"Thank you." Issac said politely.  
  
"Yo! Garet!" Issac called, seeing Garet laying on his bed reading something.  
  
"Oh, hi Issac." Garet said.  
  
"Whatcha reading?" Issac inquired.  
  
"It's a letter from Piers!" Garet said happily.  
  
"WHAT!?" Issac remarked loudly. Piers hadn't sent HIM a letter since they ended their quest!  
  
"Yeah! Isn't it great?" Garet asked, not noticing that Issac's fists were clenched so tight that his gloves were ripping.  
  
"THAT TRAITOROUS LITTLE PILE OF TWO-TIMING PUKE!! I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE AND SHOVE MY FOOT INTO HIS FRICKIN' MOUTH!!!" Issac screamed.  
  
"Whoa. Talk about holding a grudge." said Garet's older sister Kay.  
  
"Get outta here!" Garet said. "Wanna read my letter, Issac?" Issac took a deep breath.  
  
"Okay." he said. Garet handed him the letter. It read...  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Dear Garet,  
  
So, how's life in Vault? Have you decided where you're going to move to yet? When you do, I want to know! Another thing I want to know is where my boots went. Didn't I lend them to you? I haven't seen them since...  
  
Anyway, Everybody here wants to thank you for what you've done, even if I did it too. That fact seems to have escaped them. Stupid unloyal little freaks...  
  
So, how's everyone over there doing? Has Felix started talking yet? Has Jenna stopped talking yet? And what about Issac? How's he? I want to know!  
  
You should come and visit me sometime. It's kinda boring here. I've been resorting to pranks to pass the time. But, since I blew up someone's house by accadent, I'm not the most popular guy on the island.  
  
From Lemuria with Love, Piers  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Issac finished reading the letter, and gave it back to Garet. He managed to hold in a couple swear words, but he couldn't hold in what he thought.  
  
"THAT FRICKIN' SAILORBOY!! HE'S GONNA GET IT!! WHY WOULDN'T HE SEND ME A LETTER?! WHAT THE HECK'S WRONG WITH HIM!? IS HE MENTAL?! STUPID?! OR IS HE JUST A JERK!! GAHHHH!!!!" Issac screamed at the ceiling. He then picked up a chair, threw it through the window, and with a mighty leap, he was in the air. Flying towards the now broken window, swear words being shot off at unimaginable speeds. He landed on the ground, and began to run. He ran past the store, the sanctum, and Jenna's house.  
  
"Run, Issac, Run!" she called after him. And run he did.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: Well well well. It would seem that you liked it. That makes me so happy... I notice some of you are still thinking about GS Reality. Well, I myself am not going to restart it, and I've all ready given someone else the authority to have a crack at it. I'm not gonna say who, but I trust them to do as good a job as I tried to do. That is, until I gave up on it. I'm as sad as all that it's gone, but this story's gonna be HOPEFULLY as good.  
  
On a different note, I am announcing a contest. Each chapter's name shall be a spin-off of the name of something else. For example, Chapter 1 was called "Crouching Issac, Ticked Off Kraden." If you can name which Movie, Game, or TV Show the title is based on, you just might win a little cameo in the story. The contest won't be on every chapter, but it IS on this one. Which Movie, Game, or TV Show is the title from? Answer with speed, and you just might win!  
  
~*~*~*~* Contest Hint: Bond, James Bond 


	3. The MindTricks Reloaded

~*~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~*~  
  
Chapter 3  
  
- The Mind-Tricks Reloaded  
  
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After an hour of running, Issac finally grew tired. And wet, And Cold. And hungry. And everything anyone could think of to complain about. But he continued to trudge onward towards Tolbi, the hub of southern Angara. He figured he could find passage from there to Alhafra, where he could rent a sailboat that would take him to Lemuria. In Lemuria, he would have a wee talk with a certain sailor who had neglected to send him letters.  
  
Of course he didn't make it to Tolbi that night. He crashed in Kalay for the night. He kept thinking that he knew someone here, but he couldn't remember who...  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
The next morning, Issac was rudely awakened by the Innkeeper, who claimed that there was a visitor waiting for him in the lobby.  
  
"Who is it?" Issac queried.  
  
"It's an attendant of Lord Hammet's palace." Answered the Innkeeper.  
  
"Hmm,,," Issac said as he walked out of his room. When he arrived in the lobby, he quickly scanned the few tables of the small restaurant. There were three people at the eatery: A fisherman who reeked of salt, a woman who looked like a peasant, and a short blonde...  
  
"Ivan! How are you?" Issac said happily, his spirits lifting higher than since he ran away from Vault in a fit of Piers induced rage.  
  
"Issac! It's true, then. I heard from a merchant that you were visiting." Ivan said cheerfully. "So, where's the rest of the gang?"  
  
"Oh, I'm alone." Issac said. "I have a small bone to pick with Piers."  
  
"Why? What did he do?" Ivan asked.  
  
"He hasn't sent me any letters!" Issac replied.  
  
"Really? I've been getting letters from him every week or so..." Ivan remarked.  
  
"GAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Issac screamed, flipping over a table in yet another burst of Piers induced rage.  
  
"Whoa, this is a big deal to you isn't it?" Ivan said, wide eyed at Issac's insanely short temper. The Innkeeper came running over to see what had happened.  
  
"WHO DID THIS!?!" he hollered, seeing the capsized table. "IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT!! HORRIBLE MAN!!" he screamed at Issac, brandishing a butcher knife in the process.  
  
"Let's roll, Ivan!" Issac said, grabbing Ivan by the wrist and dragging him along. The head chef was blocking the exit, and the back door was blocked by one of the cooks.  
  
"What are we gonna do?" Ivan asked, nervously searching the room for a way out.  
  
"Hold it..." Issac said, glancing all around.  
  
"What?" Ivan asked with his eyebrow raised.  
  
"My Issac Sense is tingling!" Issac said, diving to the ground, and yelling at Ivan to do the same. As they dived, a frying pan whizzed over their heads, slamming into a table, causing the salty fisherman to be knocked over on his chair.  
  
"So it's a fight they want, is it?" said Issac. "Then a fight they shall get!" he unsheathed his sword, and pointed it warningly at the Innkeeper.  
  
"I'm with you all the way, buddy!" Ivan said, raising his staff.  
  
"You wish to clash swords with Issac, Slayer of Dragons?!" Issac bellowed menacingly at the Innkeeper.  
  
"Nice name!" Ivan remarked.  
  
"Thanks. I thought it up myself." Issac said. He turned back to the Innkeeper. "Do you accept my challenge?"  
  
"Yes I do!" the Innkeeper said, raising his long, curved butcher knife. "I happen to be one of Kalay's finest swordsmen!"  
  
"Aw, CRAP!" Issac said. "Oh, well... Ivan, you take the chef and his band of cooks. I'll handle the Innkeeper."  
  
"Gotcha." Ivan said, doing a showoffy twirl of his staff. He leapt over a flipped table and began a back and forth fight with the head chef. Issac raised his sword and ran at the Innkeeper. He brought his sword down on the Innkeeper, but he parried the blow with ease. The Innkeeper began to furiously swing at Issac, twirling and jumping around as if he was the finest swordsman in all of Weyard.  
  
"Oh, screw it!" Issac said, casting Odyssey at the Innkeeper. He instantly fell to the floor in a mangled heap. "Ivan! Forget honour and righteousness! Finish those losers and let's GO!" Ivan nodded, and cast Spark Plasma on the kitchen men. They all collapsed. The two people in the restaurant, as well as several curious guests that had wandered downstairs to see what the ruckus was, all were staring wide-eyed at Issac and Ivan.  
  
"Well, we're criminals!"" Issac said, making a mad dash for the door, with Ivan right at his side,  
  
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Mr, Jupiter: Well, chapter three has arrived. The contest for chapter 2 is still on, so let's get those answers in! No contest for this chapter, however. Hope you liked it, and hope to hear from you! 


	4. On His Mage's Secret Service

~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~  
  
Chapter 4 - On His Mage's Secret Service  
  
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Ivan and Issac left Kalay in a mad hurry. They were at the Kalay Docks in under ten minutes, where it took most people an hour. Their plan was to walk to Tolbi along Silk Road, which they both assumed had been repaired since their last passing through there.  
  
"Well well well. I remember this place all too well." Issac said, looking around at the familiar scene. The ship was docked, and it looked like the passengers were boarding.  
  
"I wonder if they've fixed the road..." Ivan said, continuing on towards where once there had been a slide in. When they arrived at the site...  
  
"Son of a BIT-"  
  
"Issac! Don't yell so loud!" Ivan cut his friend off. "People are staring!"  
  
"Oh please. Which people?" Issac scoffed.  
  
"Well, that guy." Ivan said, pointing to a man who looked like a simple traveller. He was clad in just a simple brown robe. There was a long sword in the scabbard attached to his belt.  
  
"You there!" called the man.  
  
"See what I mean? You've gotta watch that temper of yours, Issac."  
  
"I HAVE NO TEMPER!!!" Issac howled, uprooting a nearby tree and chucking it at a crowd of travellers. They all managed to get out of the way, with much screaming.  
  
"Did you even hear me?" asked the robe-clad boy.  
  
"Oh, yes we did. And who are you?" Ivan asked, letting Issac vent his rage spasm on a nearby sailor.  
  
"I'm assuming you wish to travel Silk Road. Am I right?"  
  
"Uh, yeah..."  
  
"Ah! Then you see the slide in!"  
  
"Yes... It was there six months ago, too..."  
  
"No, it wasn't. That was a different slide. In fact, in those six months, the slides have been repaired 107 times, only to slide in again the next day."  
  
"Really? How odd..."  
  
"YOU STUPID PILE OF PUKE!! I SHALL AVENGE MYSELF!! YE BE FAIRLY WARNED, KNAVE!!!" Issac wailed over his shoulder as he ran back up to Ivan. His right arm hung limp at his side, and his left eye was black, blue, purple, and swollen.  
  
"What happened to you?" Ivan asked, staring wide-eyed at Issac's injuries.  
  
"That stupid sailor I was venting my anger on FOUGHT BACK!!! He can't do that! He's a sailor! HE'S SUPPOSED TO HELP THE CIVILIANS!!!" Issac screamed.  
  
"Ignore him." Ivan said to the man and his two companions. "What is it you want?"  
  
"I shall be brief!" said the man. "My name is Lancet Mage! I am the leader of Weyard's Unseeable Secret Service for the Covert Accquisition of Sagacity and Evidence! WUSSCASE for short." both Issac and Ivan snorted at the name 'WUSSCASE'.  
  
"It's a spy service, chaps!" Lancet Mage said, not paying attention to Issac and Ivan's mockery.  
  
"Ahhhhhh..." said both Issac and Ivan, stopping their snickering.  
  
"Yes! And I wish for you both to join my organization! We are currently trying to find out who has been causing these slides!"  
  
"Are ya gonna pay us?" Issac asked.  
  
"Sure!" Lancet Mage said, as if money was not an issue. "Money is not an issue! I am one of Weyard's richest mages!"  
  
"Boo yah!" Issac and Ivan hi-fived each other.  
  
"Are you in?" Lancet Mage asked.  
  
"YEAH BABY!!!"  
  
"Great! Where were you heading?" Lancet asked the two blonde Adepts.  
  
"Er... The Eastern Sea..." Ivan answered.  
  
"Whereabouts?" Lancet asked curiously.  
  
"Uh, a little island called Lemuria..." Ivan answered, not expecting Lancet to know where it was.  
  
"No fooling!" Lancet said excitedly. "That's exactly where our suspect is!" he handed Ivan a scroll. "On that scroll is every bit of information we could dig up on a man called 'Xavior McGanges'. He runs the post office in Lemuria. He's our prime suspect in the creation of these slides."  
  
"And what are we supposed to to?" Ivan asked.  
  
"Do we get to kill him???" Issac asked hopefully.  
  
"No no no!" Lancet answered, shaking his head violently. "You must capture him! And bring him to me!"  
  
"And where will you be?" Ivan asked.  
  
"I can't tell you! As the leader of WUSSCASE, I am a hot target for bounty hunters." Lancet answered.  
  
"Then how will we know where to bring this postman guy?" Issac asked rudely.  
  
"I can't tell you!" Lancet said. "Now I must leave!" and that he did. In a burst of blue smoke, he was gone.  
  
"That a-"  
  
"Oh, can it." Ivan cut off Issac's swearing yet again. "Let's just get moving. I guess we're gonna have to take the boat."  
  
"Da-"  
  
"Let's go!"  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: As you may have gathered, Lancet Mage won the cameo contest. There were three correct answers, so I drew a name out of a hat. He won this round, but there will be others. And in case you're wondering, the answer was 'From Russia With Love', the 2nd Bond film. Thanks to those who participated, and good luck next time! 


	5. The Psyched Sense

~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~  
  
Chapter 5 - The Psyched Sense  
  
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The crossing from Kalay Docks to Tolbi docks was uneventful. The sailing was smooth, fast, and monster free. When the passengers disembarked at Tolbi, Ivan and Issac were the last off, since they had to be held behind to explain to the captain why there was a corpse hanging from the crowsnest.  
  
"I told you, he was being a smarta-"  
  
"ISSAC!" Ivan bellowed, cutting him off. "Let me explain, sir. My friend here is starting to develop a severe case of schizophrenia, which makes him kill people when he gets even slightly angry."  
  
"Schizophrenia? SCHIZOPHRENIA!? I OUGHTA FEED YOU TO THE SHARKS, YOU TRAITOROUS LITTLE BA-"  
  
"See what I mean? He's psycho." Ivan said cooly.  
  
"Ah, I understand. I guess I won't press charges, but I will ban you from my boat." said the captain, turning to walk into the main cabin. Before he reached it, a butcher knife found it's way into the back of his neck.  
  
"ISSAC! YOU PSYCHOTIC HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!!" Ivan screamed.  
  
"He banned us from the ship! He got what was coming to him!" Issac protested.  
  
"Let's just get outta here before someone sees that-"  
  
"THE CAPTAIN'S BEEN MURDERED!!! ALL MEN REPORT!!!" yelled a sailor who had stumbled upon the captain's lifeless body.  
  
"Oh, holy Jupiter..." Ivan said, glancing all around for an escape route. All the other sailors heard the yell, and were running at Issac and Ivan, swords in the air.  
  
"We can take 'em!" Issac said, reaching for his blade.  
  
"No, we cannot." Ivan corrected. "You are currently responsible for two senseless murders in the last hour, and we don't want more of that."  
  
"What? Why on earth not?" Issac gave Ivan a quizzical look.  
  
"WHO CARES WHY NOT! RUNNNN!!!" Ivan screamed, jumping into the shallow salty water of the Karagol. Issac was right behind him. They landed on their feet in the shallow water, and immediately began to run for shore. The sailors had followed them, though, and were jumping ship right behind them.  
  
"There they are! Get 'em, men!" called the sailor in the lead. "Avenge the death of our beloved captain!"  
  
"We've got no choice! We have to fight!" Issac said, drawing his sword.  
  
"WOULD YOU FORGET FIGHTING!!!" Ivan bellowed, clubbing Issac with his staff. "Let's get out of here, and fast!"  
  
"Oh, fine..." said Issac, running behind Ivan up the golden beach sand's of the Karagol Sea's western shores.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
They arrived in Tolbi just ten minutes after, and they had lost the bloodthirsty sailors in the process.  
  
"Well, it looks like we got away. No thanks to YOUR ideas..." Ivan said to Issac.  
  
"Hey, at least MY way there was no running involved." Issac defended himself.  
  
"Uh, you'd rather DIE than RUN? You're screwed up, you know that?"  
  
"I KILL YOU FOR SAYING THAT!!!" Issac said, picking up a nearby basket of pears and throwing them one by one at Ivan.  
  
"CALM DOWN, YOU PSYCHOPATH!!" Ivan said, casting Destruct Ray on his enraged friend.  
  
"What was that for!?" Issac bellowed.  
  
"Never mind." Ivan replied. "Let's go to the Inn and get a room." and that they did. When they arrived however...  
  
"I'm sorry. We've no vacancies. You should have reserved a room six months ago if you wanted a room for the weekend." said the clerk.  
  
"SIX MONTHS AGO?! WHAT THE HE-"  
  
"Issac!" Ivan cut his partner off. "Ignore this lunatic. Why is it so busy?"  
  
"It's Colosso! Surely you knew that!" said the clerk, raising an eyebrow at the two eccentric Adepts.  
  
"Colosso? Wasn't that on six months ago?" Ivan asked.  
  
"Yes, but it was so successful, we've decided to have it twice a year! It's great for buisiness!" said the clerk cheerfully.  
  
"So, you have no rooms..." Ivan said, as Issac turned around and started randomly flipping over tables, some of which people were eating at. After he was good and calm, he joined Ivan out in front.  
  
"So, what's the plan?" Issac asked.  
  
"Well, it seems to me that they're giving free rooms over at the palace to contestants. So... If we want to stay the night, we have to enter Colosso again." Ivan explained.  
  
"Whoo hoo! GLORY TIME, BABY!!!" Issac said. As he did, a woman came up to him.  
  
"Hey, is your name Issac?" she asked.  
  
"A-yesssss!" Issac said stupidly.  
  
"There's someone at the palace who wishes to see you." said the woman. "I can show you there, if you wish."  
  
"No no, I know where it is." Issac said. "Who is it that wants to see me?"  
  
"I don't know their name." answered the woman.  
  
"OH, A BIG FAT HELP YOU ARE! I SHOULD PICK YOU UP AND THROW YOU IN THE FOUNTAIN!!!" Issac yelled, causing the woman to give a surprised screech and bail off in the opposite direction. Issac made a move to follow her, but was held back by Ivan.  
  
"Shouldn't we be heading to the palace?" Ivan asked him. Not waiting for an answer, he turned around and headed to the palace of Tolbi's leader.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
In front of the palace there were two armoured guards. They held lonf spears, and were blocking the front entrance.  
  
"Hi there!" Ivan called. "Might we get in?"  
  
"Are you Colosso contestants?" asked one of the guards.  
  
"Er... No..." Ivan answered.  
  
"Then begone." the guard said simply.  
  
"Uh, we were told that someone inside wishes to meet with us." Ivan tried again.  
  
"Your names?"  
  
"I am Ivan, of Kalay, and this is Issac, of Vale, er, Vault."  
  
"YEAH! YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN' OF IT, WHELPS!?" Issac shook his fist threateningly at the guards.  
  
"Calm down you dement!" Ivan yelled at Issac. "Can we please just enter?" he asked the guards hopefully.  
  
"Nope. Lord Sheba has commanded that none shall pass." said the guard.  
  
"Lord Sheba?" Ivan and Issac looked at each other with surprised looks.  
  
"Uh, is this Lord Sheba about 15, short, blonde?" asked Ivan.  
  
"Yes, she is." replied the guard.  
  
"We know her! You have to let us in!" pleaded Ivan.  
  
"I follow her lordliness, not some mindless vagrants who just so happen to wander their way into Tolbi's great palace grounds." the guard said simply. "Now! Begone!" Issac clenched his fists.  
  
"No, Issac... Don't..." Ivan tried to talk to him, but he didn't seem to listen. And then came the rage attack.  
  
"LET US IN, YOU USELESS PILES OF HUMAN SHAPED DIRT!!! LET US IN NOW, OR I'LL USE YOUR HEADS TO PRACTICE SOCCER!!!" when the guards refused, he picked up a nearby crate and chucked it at one of the guards. The other raised his weapon and charged at Issac, but was beheaded by a sudden sword stroke. Issac then moved to finish off the other guard, who had just been stunned by the crate. Issac pushed his blade into the soldiers face, causing him to instantly go limp.  
  
"Wow..." Ivan stared at the carnage in awe.  
  
"Shall we go now?" Issac asked, putting away his sword, and opening the palace door. Inside the palace was just as it was during Babi's reign, but now instead of statues of him, there were multiple statues of a familiar looking girl.  
  
"Yup, that's her all right." Ivan said, looking at the larger than life statues.  
  
"I wonder where-"  
  
"Ivan! Issac! Is that you!?" came a feminine voice from up the nearby set of stairs.  
  
"Sheba!" both Issac and Ivan said happily, running to greet her.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: Well, it's spring break for me! So I guess I've got no excuse not to update like crazy during next week, huh? I'm looking forward to all the time I'm gonna get to work on fics. Spring break rules! Oh, and by the way, the contest is gonna return for the next chapter! Can't wait, huh? 


	6. Bringing Down the Palace

~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~  
  
Chapter 6 - Bringing Down the Palace  
  
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"Sheba! What are you doing here?" Ivan asked excitedly.  
  
"I'm Tolbi's ruler now!" Sheba said, running down the stairs toward them.  
  
"How the heck did that happen?" Issac asked.  
  
"It's a long story, but basically, I visited here after Babi died and some crazy man said that I was his daughter, and everyone believed him, and... I'm a Lord now!" Sheba explained shortly. She wasn't wearing her usual clothes. She was dressed in a really fancy looking dress that dragged along the floor.  
  
"Why did we come here?" Issac asked, changing the subject.  
  
"Someone said they wanted to see us. Remeber, you idiot?" Ivan said, giving Issac a slap on the back of his head.  
  
"JERK!" Issac yelled, kicking over a nearby statue.  
  
"Hey!" Sheba protested. "That's a statue of ME, you realise?"  
  
"Uh, sorry..." Issac said, looking at the ground. Sheba took Ivan aside.  
  
"What exactly is wrong with Issac?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know, really. I think he's going insane." Ivan answered.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!? INSANE!? ME?! I'M INSULTED!!!" Issac said blasting a hole in a nearby wall with his Psynergy.  
  
"See what I mean? Insane." Ivan said. Issac didn't hear, because he was ripping up floor tiles and throwing them at some nearby guards.  
  
"Are you sure he's okay? Because I think he needs some help..." Sheba said.  
  
"NOT SO LOUD! He might hear you..." Ivan said, covering her mouth.  
  
"I might hear what?" Issac said, walking up to them with a spear in his left arm.  
  
"How'd that happen?" Sheba asked.  
  
"You have VERY accurate guards, milady." Issac said.  
  
"Maybe you should pull that out..."  
  
"Nah, it's cool. Whooaaa..." Issac fainted.  
  
"Issac!" Sheba said, rushing towards him.  
  
"No, let him sleep. It might make him less crazy." Ivan said. "I'm gonna go find out who wants to see Issac."  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
After about an hour of searching the palace, Ivan found who was searching for Issac. She was an elderly woman who sat at a bench on the second floor. She wore very large robes, and her face was covered by her hood.  
  
"Are you Issac?" she asked.  
  
"I'm a friend of his." Ivan answered. "What did you want to see him about?"  
  
"He is in great danger." she answered. "An evil sorcerer is using his dark powers to drive your friend Issac to insanity."  
  
"That explains a lot..." Ivan said thoughtfully.  
  
"You must find this sorcerer, and get rid of him, or your friend Issac will go so far into insanity that he will be unable to converse with any other human being without much murder and swearing." said the old woman.  
  
"Okay, so, where are we supposed to find said evil sorcerer?" Ivan asked.  
  
"On an island in the center of the great eastern sea." said the old woman. "And island known as Lemuria."  
  
"Awesome! We're going there anyway." Ivan said excitedly.  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"Well, Issac wants to speak to our friend Piers, and we're investigating the postman in the name of WUSSCASE." Ivan explained.  
  
"You're WUSSCASE agents?" asked the old lady. "Why didn't you say so! I'm also an agent!" she said, standing up. She removed her robe to reveal that she wasn't an old lady at all! She was a young boy about Ivan's age.  
  
"Hi! I'm an undercover agent investigating reports that someone in this palace is stealing Tolbi's government funds." said the boy. "I've perfected the old lady act, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, you were pretty convincing." Ivan said. "Anyway, what else can you tell us about this sorcerer?"  
  
"He's really powerful, and conventional means of fighting won't work all that well." said the boy.  
  
"So what do we do?" Ivan asked curiously.  
  
"I don't know. I'm not a friggin' scholar. I'm just a bored little kid who joined the strange man's organization because my mom kicked me outside for setting fire to my little brother's hair."  
  
"Oh-kay... I'm gonna go, now... Bye!" Ivan said, bolting downstairs.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
"So, how's Issac doing?" Ivan asked Sheba, referring to the unconscious Issac that was currently lying in a mangled looking heap on the floor of Sheba's palace.  
  
"Oh, he'll live." Sheba said. "I'm sure he's had worse injuries than a severe concussion."  
  
"He has a severe concussion?" Ivan said, his eyes widening.  
  
"Well, according to the palace doctor. But he says that a severe concussion is nothing to a man of Issac's strengh." Sheba explained.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"So, while we're waiting for him to wake up, how about you tell me what you've been up to for the last few months?"  
  
"I guess we could do that." said Ivan, following Sheba into her sitting room.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
"Ugh. Where the- HEY! Those losers left me lying on the floor! THIS DUSTY OLD STONE FLOOR!!! GAHHH!!!" Issac picked up a nearby vase, punching it so hard it shattered into fragments to small to measure. "They're gonna pay dearly for this, oh yes indeed. Heh heh heh..."  
  
"What's so funny, sir?" asked a palace attendant.  
  
"Oh, I'm just gonna murder Sheba and Ivan." Issac said, standing up.  
  
"OH NO YOU'RE NOT!!!" yelled the attendant. Dropping the plate he was carrying, he lept at Issac with his fist in the air.  
  
"CALM DOWN!!!" Issac said, catching the airborne waiter and flipping him over his shoulder. The waiter now lay face-up on the floor where Issac had been lying.  
  
"I am trained not only to serve but to protect." said the waiter. He climbed to his feet and rolled up the sleeves of his black waiter style tuxedo.  
  
"Serve and protect, eh? Sounds like you're a cop. See ya!" Issac said, kicking the waiter in the face, stunning him momentarily. Issac took the chance to bail for the palaces front doors. He was almost there when...  
  
"SOUND THE ALARM!!! INTRUDER INSIDE WITH MURDEROUS INTENT!!! SOUND THE ALARM!!!" the waiter yelled from behind him. A vein twitched in Issac's temple.  
  
"YOU PILE OF PUKE!!! PREPARE TO DIE, FOOL!!!" Issac yelled as he ran toward the waiter, sword prepared to swing. Just as he was about to behead the waiter, another sword appeared and blocked the swing. Issac looked, and saw one of the palace guards.  
  
"I'VE GOT THE INTRUDER!!! ALL MEN TO ENTRYWAY!!!" yelled the guard.  
  
"YOU-" Issac didn't even finish his thought before taking such a powerful swing at the guard that he managed to catch him off guard and stab him through the chest.  
  
"Ahhhohhhharrhhh..." the guard moaned, falling to the floor.  
  
"ISSAC!" Ivan yelled, walking out of a nearby door. "STOP THAT!!!"  
  
"I'm not done here!" Issac said, noticing the twenty or so guards now barreling towards him, spears poised for battle.  
  
"Aw, crap!" Issac said, looking around for an idea on how to beat these well-trained guards. He saw right above them a large golden chandelier.  
  
"ISSAC! GET OVER HERE!!!" Ivan called.  
  
"GUARDS!" Sheba yelled. "STOP!"  
  
"Huh?" all the guards stopped dead, and started looking at each other with rather quizzical looks.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: Well, now do you see why I'm making Issac a hotheaded murderous little dude? Yes, this story has a plot! Weird, huh?  
  
Oh, and the contest is on for this chapter! If you know the title, and I know it's not THAT hard, send the following info:  
  
NAME AGE GENDER PERSONALITY AND WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO LOOK LIKE 


	7. 2 Daft, 2 Ludicrous

~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~  
  
Chapter 7 - 2 Daft, 2 Ludicrous  
  
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"Why on earth would we not kill this man!?" protested one of Sheba's guards. "He's a frickin' PSYCHOPATH!!" and then, to drive in what he had just said, Issac unleashed another wave of psychotics.  
  
"Take THAT!!" Issac said, stabbing the guard squarely between the eyes.  
  
"Issac! Stop!" Sheba called.  
  
"He started it." Issac said childishly, pointing at one of the eleven guards surrounding him.  
  
"Me? Why me? You jerk!" said the guard, just before being stabbed.  
  
"CUT THAT OUT!!!" Sheba said. "WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH AN A-"  
  
"Whoa whoa whoa!" Ivan said, cutting her off. "I'm sure we don't want to be calling Issac any nasty things right now."  
  
"Right..." Sheba said, taking a deep breath.  
  
"Now, Issac, we need to talk." Ivan said.  
  
"About what? The issue of why this STUPID GUARD GOT HIS BLOOD AlL OVER MY NEW SHIRT!! I OUGHTA CUT HIM A NEW EYE!!!" Issac screamed.  
  
"You already did that." Sheba said, pointing to a dead body with a hole in it's forehead.  
  
"Oh. Heh heh heh..." Issac chuckled almost evily. "Anyway, what is it you need to tell me?"  
  
"I just talked to a small boy. He said there's an evil sorcerer that's using his mighty powers to make you go insane." Ivan explained.  
  
"There's a small boy sorcerer who's using his insanity to give me mighty powers? ALL RIGHT!!!" Issac cheered.  
  
"You misheard me." Ivan said, repeating his explanation.  
  
"Ohhhhhhh..." Issac said longly.  
  
"Anyway, this sorcerer's in Lemuria, so while you're talking to Piers, I'll deal with him." Ivan said.  
  
"And I'm coming too!" Sheba said. "I mean, my palace is pretty much destroyed anyway, and not one person's gonna like my explanation on why there are eight guards down."  
  
"You're coming with us? Great!" Ivan said, smiling.  
  
"Whoo! More companionship!" Issac said. As he did, he didn't notice one of the guards that had just been knocked out was standing up. Having missed everything that had happened in the last five minutes, he raised his sword and ran at Issac.  
  
"No! Stop! He's not... Oh my..." Sheba said worriedly. Issac had picked up the guard by his legs and was spinning him around in circles.  
  
"THE LADY SAID STOP!!! AND I HAD JUST CALMED DOWN, TOO!!! YOU ARE AN INSENSITIVE CLOD!!! YOU MUST PAY ACCORDINGLY!!!" Issac bellowed, releasing the guard to go flying at the wall. His body went limp, and he slid slowly down the wall.  
  
"Oh-kay, Issac, I think you've killed enough..." Ivan started.  
  
"HE'S NOT DEAD YET!!" Issac yelled, grabbing a nearby wall torch. He set fire to everything flammable in sight, including the dead bodies of some of the guards.  
  
"Aw, crap..." Sheba said, starting for the door. Unfortunately, the door was made of wood. Wood is flammable. Issac had already set fire to the door.  
  
"Looks like it's out the window for us." Ivan said, leaping out a nearby window. He gave a short yelp as he broke through the glass.  
  
"Ivan no, it's..." but Sheba's warning came too late. She was going to say that the window was seventy feet off the ground outside, but before she could, Ivan was falling and screaming.  
  
"Where's Ivan?" Issac asked, running up to her, his left sleeve on fire, the back of his head singed, and one of his boots gone completely.  
  
"He just... He..." Sheba held back sobs. "He's... Surely dead..." she started to cry.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
Issac and Sheba broke through the flaming front door and went to inspect Ivan. It seemed indeed as if he was dead.  
  
"No... Ivan..." Sheba said through sobs. "Before we leave for Lemuria, I want to give him a proper burial. Okay?"  
  
"Of course." Issac said.  
  
They went to town and purchased a casket and two shovels. When they returned, they found Ivan's body lying in exactly the same place it was when they had left. Issac and Sheba placed Ivan in the casket and began digging the hole.  
  
An hour later, a rather strange girl walked up to them. "Hi. My name is Silver Yukai. I was a friend of Ivan's back in Kalay. I heard he had died, and I came to attend his funeral." the girl had short sand brown hair with blue streaks, and wore a long green tunic.  
  
"He died only an hour and a half ago. How'd you get here so fast?" Sheba asked curiously.  
  
"Oh, that's not important right now. I notice this palace is on fire." Silver said weirdly.  
  
"Uh, yes, it is..." Sheba said, exchanging weirded out looks with Issac.  
  
"CAN I GO INSIDE AND WATCH STUFF BURN?!?!" Silver suddenly screamed.  
  
"What? Are you insane?!" Sheba exclaimed. "Go inside if you want, but I'm not promising you'll come back out alive."  
  
"YEAH! FIRE, HERE I COME!!!" Silver said loudly, running for the front door.  
  
"Anyway, let's bury this guy." Issac said. He and Sheba lifted the casket and placed it in the large hole they had dug. They each said a few words, and began filling in the hole.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
Ivan awoke in complete darkness. He went to sit up, but cranked his head on a VERY low ceiling. "What the...? Where am I?" he said. "I must have been knocked out... But..." he tried to see where he was, but there was absolutely no light anywhere. He suddenly became aware that he was having trouble breathing. He began to panic, and started pushing hard on the roof. It wouldn't budge. He tried the walls. No luck. There wasn't enough room in whatever he was in. "I've gotta get... Out..." he said to himself. The lack of air was becoming a real problem, and he started to feel dizzy. He had an idea. He managed to turn himself over, and prepared to cast his most powerful Psynergy straight down. He cast Spark Plasma, and it worked! The bottom of his dark prison blew up, as well as the ground below. Ivan tumbled blindly into the hole, and eventually found himself splashing around in some water. It was still dark, but he could fix that. He took off his cape, and set fire to it with his Psynergy. The room lit up, and revealed he was floating around in an underground lake!  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: Yes, just incase you didn't gather so, the winner of the contest was Silver Yukai. So many correct entries, I had to do the random draw thing again. Thanks for playing, and good luck next time! 


	8. Walk 'N' Fall

~*~*~* Where the Quest Takes Us *~*~*~  
  
Chapter 8 - Walk 'n' Fall  
  
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"Well this is certainly odd." Ivan said to himself. "I wonder what an underground lake is doing here. It's right underneath the place. You'd think the ground would be too weak here to support such a large building." he looked around carefully. It was very dark, so he concluded that there were no openings nearby. He also noticed that the water was somewhat warm, and very deep.  
  
He began to swim in the direction he thought was the town. There was a well in Tolbi, and he figured this must be where the well drew it's water from. So he began to swim in what he hoped was the correct direction.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
"I still can't believe he's gone..." Sheba sobbed. "He was so young..."  
  
"Oh, cut the crap, princess whiner! We've got a mission to complete!" Issac rudely cut in.  
  
"'We'? Who do you mean by 'we'?" Sheba asked. "Because I'm not going anymore."  
  
"WHAT!?" Issac screamed in disbelief. "WHAT!?" he repeated.  
  
"I was only going in the first place to be with Ivan, and he's gone, so I'm not going anywhere!" Sheba explained in an unnecessarily loud voice.  
  
"YOU TRAITOROUS SKANK!!" Issac said, pushing Sheba into Ivan's half filled grave. He laughed an evil laugh, and walked toward town.  
  
"ISSAC, YOU FIEND!!!" Sheba screamed from inside the four foot deep hole. Suddenly, she became aware that she was sinking. Before she could get out of the hole, the ground beneath her fell in. She screamed.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
"Huh?" Ivan grunted in the darkness. Maybe he was just going crazy, but he was sure he had just heard a scream in the direction he was coming from. He turned around, and headed for where he now saw a shaft of light. "I guess the dirt that used to be on top of my coffin caved in." he said to himself.  
  
When he arrived at the shaft of light, he found that he was correct. When he had fallen, the dirt above his casket hadn't caved in. And it would seem that now it had. But he couldn't see anyone around. "Hello? Hello?" he called.  
  
"I'm over here!" Sheba called, hearing someone calling her. She swam toward the voice. And Ivan swam toward her. When she saw him, it was too dark to see his face. "Who are you?" she asked.  
  
"It's me! It's Ivan!" he answered. Sheba let out an ear piercing scream.  
  
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!! AAAAA!!!" she wailed.  
  
"I'm not dead! I just got knocked out, and for some reason you guys didn't bother to check for any life signs in me before burying me." Ivan explained. Sheba was breathing heavily.  
  
"Oh... I get... It now... Hooo..." she took a deep breath. "I'm so glad to see you alive!" she hugged Ivan.  
  
"Yeah, well, we've got more important issues on our hands. How do you think we should go about climbing out of this hole?"  
  
"Well, if there's an exit, shouldn't there be a current to follow?" Sheba said.  
  
"That's a good idea. Hold on..." Ivan floated perfectly motionless, and tried to see if he was moving. Sure enough, there was a very slight current. "Yes!" he cheered.  
  
"We can use your casket as a boat." Sheba said, climbing into the casket that was floating nearby. She had fallen with her rod in hand, and Ivan's rod had been buried with him, so they had two makeshift paddles to use.  
  
"I wonder where this thing goes." Ivan wondered as he climbed into the coffin boat.  
  
*** *** *** ***  
  
"I can't believe I have to do all this by myself!" Issac muttered to himself as he walked through the crowded streets of Tolbi. "I should just give up on this pointless quest."  
  
"Nnnnnooooo!!!" came a rather high-pitched voice. Before he could move, Issac was tackled to the ground by a little pink-haired girl.  
  
"YOU RUDE LITTLE WENCH!!! I OUGHTA CARVE YOU A NEW MOUTH!!!" Issac bellowed, seeing the girl on top of him.  
  
"Calm down, mister!" said the girl, slapping Issac in the face three times. She was dressed in baggy white robes with pink hems, and was carrying a staff that was much taller than she was. After all, she was only about two feet tall.  
  
"WHO ARE YOU TO SLAP ME!?" Issac demanded in a harsh, loud, and murderous voice.  
  
"My name is Quianodonnaryeevansyoduptorbespanol, but that's a tad hard to remember, so just call me Qui." said the short little girl. Issac was too confused at her name to continue screaming death threats at her, so she continued to talk, not getting off of Issac's chest. "I was sent by the head of WUSSCASE to talk to you."  
  
"Oh, are you an agent too?" Issac asked, having calmed down.  
  
"Yes, you might say that." Qui said. "The leader told me to give you this." she handed Issac a small green envelope that had written on it "CLASSIFIED" and "TOP SECRET". Issac slit open the envelope and read the letter that was inside. It read... ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
WUSSCASE Agents Issac and Ivan,  
  
It has come to my attention that you are on a double quest to Lemuria. If what I've heard is correct, then you are also on a mission to defeat a powerful sorcerer that lives there. If this is true, I have something that my help you. It is called the 'Angel's Amulet' and it will help you against any evil that you may encounter. I have also instructed Agent Qui to accompany you on your journey. That is all. Destroy this note when you are finished with it.  
  
Sincerely,  
He who is wise, strong, and masterful, yet still humble,  
Lancet Mage  
  
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
"Well, looks like were in it together, what's-your-name." Issac said, turning to his new pink-haired companion.  
  
"Here's the Amulet." Qui said, handing Issac a triangle shaped Golden amulet on a silver necklace.  
  
"Oooooooh... Shiny...." Issac said, holding the amulet up to the light. "Hey, can we sell this thing? I bet we'd be so friggin' rich, I could by my own frickin' CONTINENT! OH YEAH BABY!!! LET'S TAKE A TRIP TO THE PAWN SHOP!!!" he said loudly, turning around and running for the city's market.  
  
"Oh, no you don't!" Qui said, tackling Issac to the ground again.  
  
"STOP DOING THAT!!" Issac screamed.  
  
"I'll stop that when you stop acting like a psychopath." Qui said simply.  
  
"WHO'S A PSYCHOPATH?" Issac threateningly shook his fist at Qui, but she turned her back and began to walk toward the town gate.  
  
"C'mon! We've got a long way to go!" she called back to him.  
  
"Well, this looks like it's gonna suck some serious sh-" Issac started, but was cut off by a woman running past and screaming.  
  
"THERE'S MOLE PEOPLE IN OUR FOUNTAIN!!!" she screamed as she ran through the town. Everyone she passed also began to run and scream, until the entire area was a mass of over-scared screaming villagers.  
  
"Mole people my a-" Issac started.  
  
"C'mon, you swearing little man!" Qui said. "Let's go see what this complete pandamonium is about." she started walking towards Tolbi's fountain. When they arrived they saw nothing.  
  
"Well, it looks like that woman's a real headcase." Issac said. "Let's go."  
  
"Hold it." Qui said. She walked through the turtle and crab infested water towards the water-spewing dragon's head at the back.  
  
"You are a strange little girl." Issac said.  
  
"Shh!" Qui shushed him.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!" Issac said, his temper quickly being lost. "YOU WANNA STEP TEN FEET CLOSER AND REPEAT THAT LITTLE COMMENT?!"  
  
"DO YOU EVER SHUT UP!!?" Qui yelled back at him.  
  
"I'LL SHUT UP WHEN I WANT TO SHUT UP, YOU RUDE LITTLE BIT-"  
  
"QUIET!!!" Qui screamed so loud that it seemed as if there should have been a few buildings fall down.  
  
"Ok." Issac said VERY quietly. Qui put her ear close to the dragon's mouth. She could hear voices inside.  
  
"Help us! Someone! We're stuck down here!" came the voices from inside the fountain.  
  
"There are people in there!" Qui said. "We've got to get them out!"  
  
"Why on earth do you want to free the mole people? Are they your cousins, or what?" Issac asked.  
  
"THEY AREN'T MOLE PEOPLE!!!" Qui yelled. "Now are you going to help me get them out of there, or not?"  
  
"Stand back!" Issac said, raising his arms. He cast Odyssey at the dragon head. Qui dived out of the way just in time. A hole five feet in diameter was blown into the back of one of Tolbi's main attractions. But, it worked. The two stranded people climbed out of the smoking ruins.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAUUUGHHHH!!! ZOMBIE CHILDREN!!!" Issac said, pulling out his sword and running at Ivan and Sheba.  
  
"STOP!!!" Qui said, grabbing the back of Issac's shirt. He fell over, and began cursing.  
  
"YOU ALMOST STRANGLED ME TO DEATH, YOU LITTLE SH-"  
  
"Never mind him." Qui said as she held Issac down with all he strengh. "He's just a raving lunatic."  
  
"Oh, I know." Ivan said. "Who are you, by the way?"  
  
"My name is Quianodonnaryeevansyoduptorbespanol, but you can call me Qui." she answered. "I'm a WUSSCASE agent, just like yourself."  
  
"How did you know I was an agent?" Ivan asked.  
  
"The leader gave me a description of the two boys I was looking for, and you fit the description of Ivan. Am I right?"  
  
"Yeah, that's my name. And this is Sheba." Ivan said, introducing her.  
  
"Nice to meet you. Hold on." Qui said, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out a two sets of brass knuckles, and slipped them on. She began repeatedly punching a screaming and flailing and swearing Issac in the face.  
  
"OW!! THAT HURTS, YOU STUPID- OW!!!" Issac said, managing to get in a few swear words between punches.  
  
"This might be a minute. You guys go do whatever you want. Meet me at the Inn in seven and a half hours. Okay?" Qui said.  
  
"Sounds good!" Sheba said, grabbing Ivan by the arm and running off.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: WASSUP?! I finally completed this! I've been working on it for a few weeks now. Hopefully it's as good as I think it is. Let me know! 


	9. House of Booze and Flame

All You Need Is   
Mr. Jupiter  
  
Where the Quest Takes Us   
  
Chapter 9 - House of Booze and Flame  
  
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        A couple hours after departing Qui and Issac's duel, Ivan and Sheba had grown bored of trying to get free silk from drunken merchants. They decided to go to the inn and wait for Issac and Qui to meet them there.  
  
        When they got to the Inn, they walked into the restaurant portion of it, and called for a waiter.  
  
        "What can I get for you?" the waiter asked politely.  
  
        "Ahem." Ivan cleared his throat and began talking in a deep voice. "Hello. I'm 25. And I would like a beer."  
  
        "Can I see some I.D.?" the waiter asked.  
  
        "Why? It's obvious I'm not underage, isn't it?" he turned to Sheba.  
  
        "Uh, you're fake manly voice isn't fooling anyone, small time." Sheba said to him.  
  
        "Damn you, late onset puberty!" Ivan said to himself loudly.  
  
        "So, what will you two have?" the waiter asked again.  
  
        "I TOLD YOU." Ivan said, getting an angry look in his eyes.  
  
        "I'm sorry sir, but I can't serve alchohol to underage customers." the waiter replied.  
  
        "Fine, I'll just have a martini." Ivan said.  
  
        "A martini has alchohol in it." the waiter said.  
  
        "Damn it!" Ivan cursed. "How about a Manhattan?"  
  
        "Nope."  
  
        "Gin?"  
  
        "Sorry."  
  
        "Champagne?"  
  
        "I'm sorry sir."  
  
        "WHAT THE H-"  
  
        "Ivan! What's gotten into you?!" Sheba cut him off. She turned to the waiter. "Give us a minute."  
  
        "Yes, ma'am." the waiter turned and walked away. Just as he left, loud cursing could be heard from outside the Inn, and then the sound of something being smashed VERY hard into a wall. The smash again. And again. And once more. Then, a seemingly lifeless body came crashing through a nearby window. The glass flew all over the restaurant, causing several customers to shriek.  
  
        "DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO COOL IT?!" said Qui, climbing in through the broken window.  
  
        "Ohhohhhhhohh..." Issac moaned, picking himself up from the pile of glass. "Why on EARTH would you throw me through a WINDOW!? Are you frickin' CRAZY?!"  
  
        "THE ONLY CRAZY ONE HERE IS YOU!!" Qui said, jumping on Issac and giving him a one-two punch to the face. "NOW CALM DOWN!"  
  
        "Wow." both Ivan and Sheba gazed at the two foot tall pink haired girl beating on a normal sized 18 year old. It was quite the sight.  
  
        "Maybe we should leave." Qui said, looking up from her brutish work. "You guys go wait outside, kay?" she told Ivan and Sheba.  
  
        "Sounds good."  
  
        "Now, Issac. Are you ready to act like a HUMAN again?" Qui asked the bloody and bruised body she was sitting on.  
  
        "Fine." Issac said, tilting his head to the side and spitting out a mouthful of blood. Qui jumped off him, and he stood up. If you could call it that. As he climbed to his feet, he seemed to lose all balance and fall over on a table. Unfortunately, the table had several lit candles on it.  
  
        "Uh oh." Qui said, watching from the sidelines.  
  
        "AAAUUGGHHH!!!" Issac screamed, leaping up. "I'M ON FIRE!!!" he began running around in frantic circles, causing several nearby guests to jump up and quickly leave the restaurant.  
  
        "Issac! Stop drop and roll!" Qui called.  
  
        "WHAAAUUGHHH!!" Issac dropped to the floor and began rolling. Sadly, stop drop and roll doesn't work when you roll into a puddle of spilt vodka.  
  
        "WHAAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!" Issac wailed as the large puddle of alchohol burst into flames. The resulting explosion caught five tables and seven chairs on fire, as well as a rug and a window drape.  
  
        "Oh, dear god..." Qui said dejectedly, watching the flaming body roll around on the flaming floor.  
  
        "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!" the Innkeeper came running into the room with a face that would compare to a tomato in colour.  
  
        "Crap." Qui said quietly. She ran and grabbed Issac, and with a quick leap, she was out the window, flaming Issac in tow.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Sheba asked Issac.  
  
        "I'm fine. Thanks." Issac said. His clothes had burned completely, and he was now wearing a stolen burlap sack. His the right side of his hair was burned right off, and he had scrapes and scratches all over his face. He looked like a hapless pyromaniac hobo.  
  
        "I'm just glad you didn't burn to death." Qui said. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital to see about that infection in the cut on your cheek?"  
  
        "Nah." Issac dismissed the thought. "And if we're going in to see about anything, it would be about this." he pulled up the robe around his left leg, revealing a broken shin bone coming right through his skin.  
  
        "Eww!" all three of his companions moaned.  
  
        "How did you walk this far?" Ivan asked, his face turning purple in disgust.  
  
        "The bone never used to be sticking through. Walking just made it worse." Issac explained.  
  
        "What are we gonna do?" Sheba said, disappointment in her voice.  
  
        "I can fix that." said a female voice from behind them.  
  
        "Who's there?" Qui asked, turning around.  
  
        "Mia!" Ivan and Sheba exclaimed, seeing their dear friend standing there, wearing a white tank top and a knee length green skirt.  
  
        "Hi guys!" Mia said, running up to them and giving them each a hug. "Before we get too into our renunion, I'll tend to Issac."  
  
        "Whoo hoo!" Issac gave a loud cheer as Mia took a small box out of the leather backpack she was wearing. She removed some first aid tape from the box and went to work on Issac's compound fracture. She was all finished in ten minutes, and after casting Ply on the leg, she turned back to Ivan and Sheba.  
  
        "I can't believe it's you!" Sheba said. "It's been so long!"  
  
        "What brings you here to Tolbi?" Ivan asked.  
  
        "I'm taking a vacation. Imil is too cold at this time of the year, so I'm enjoying some nice sunshine." Mia told them. "How come you're all here?"  
  
        "It's a really, REALLY long story." Sheba said.  
  
        "I've got time." Mia said. "Might I suggest we go to my hotel room?"  
  
        "Were you staying at the Tolbi Inn?" Ivan asked.  
  
        "Yes." Mia answered.  
  
        "You're hotel room is burned down." Ivan told her.  
  
        "What? Why?" Mia asked, a bewildered look on her suntanned face.  
  
        "It's part of our long story." Sheba said.  
  
        "Well, let's just make ourselves comfortable here, then." Mia suggested.  
  
        "Sounds good." Ivan said.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: I am as unreliable as an Air Canada flight. I suffer from SWBS (Severe Writer's Block Syndrome), so sometimes I take long breaks to get some ideas. I think it's worth the wait, but what matters is, do you? 


	10. Dude, Where's My Hair

Fresh Out Da Kitchen   
Mr. Jupiter  
  
- - - Where the Quest Takes Us - - -  
  
Chapter 10 - Dude, Where's My Hair?  
  
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        Two hours later, everyone was caught up on everyone else's stories, so they decided to head into town to look for a place to stay the night. They arrived in Tolbi's center square just as the sun set behind the horizon.  
  
        "Well, where do you think we should try?" Sheba asked.  
  
        "I think there's another Inn over by the colosseum entrance." Mia said. "Maybe we should try there?"  
  
        "Sounds like a plan." Ivan said. Before they could take even one step, a loud voice screamed at them from behind.  
  
        "THERE YOU ARE!!! YOU STUPID INGRATES BURNED DOWN MY INN!!! NOW I'M GONNA BURN YOU!!!" the Innkeeper stood behind them, a sword in his hand.  
  
        "Aww, crap!" Ivan said, rolling his eyes.  
  
        "I'll handle this." Issac said, stepping forward.  
  
        "Oh, you wanna go?" the Innkeeper taunted. "Bring it on, pansy boy!" Issac's eyebrow twitched.  
  
        "Uh oh..." both Qui and Sheba said.  
  
        "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?" Issac yelled, pulling out his sword and holding it to the Innkeeper's throat in one swift motion.  
  
        "I... I..." the Innkeeper choked.  
  
        "TALK!" Issac commanded. He pressed the sword harder against the Innkeeper's throat.  
  
        "You... You heard... Me..." the Innkeeper managed to say.  
  
        "WHAT!?" Issac said. "I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR RUDE MEN LIKE YOU!! DIE!" Issac slit his throat, and quickly jumped up and started to run toward the town gate, as all the yelling had dawned a large crowd, and the large crowd was grabbing various weapons and running after Issac.  
  
        "Oh, dear lord..." Qui said, running after the mob of enraged Tolbians that were giving chase to Issac.  
  
        "Call me crazy, but maybe we should help Issac out." Ivan suggested.  
  
        "How? There must be two hundred people chasing him!" Sheba said, and she wasn't far off on her guess.  
  
        "We've got to do SOMEthing!" Mia said.  
  
        "I wouldn't worry too much. I think Issac can take all of those people on." Sheba said.  
  
        "That's what I'm worried about!" Mia said, putting her hands on her hips. "He's gonna kill half the people in Tolbi!"  
  
        "Oh no!" Sheba gasped. "I can't let that happen! I'm supposed to be the ruler of this cow town!"  
  
        "Cow town?" Ivan gave Sheba a strange look.  
  
        "You heard me." Sheba said.  
  
        "WOULD YOU INGRATES HELP ME OUT ALREADY?!?" Issac screamed, running past them, the couple hundred Tolbians giving close chase.  
  
        "Oh yeah!" Qui said. "Any ideas, guys?"  
  
        "Just one." Ivan said. He grabbed his staff from his back.  
  
        "You aren't gonna FIGHT them, you stupid boy!" Qui said.  
  
        "No no no! Of course I'M not! But guess who is!" Ivan said, closing his eyes.  
  
        "IVAN!" Mia said.  
  
        "It's the only way." Ivan said, not opening his eyes. "THOR! HELP US OUT!" he called. On que, dark clouds instantaneously gathered in the sky, and the telltale sign of Thor appeared in the sky. And then, in a flash of lightning, Thor himself was standing before them. The mighty god raised his staff, and powerful bolts of lightning layed waste to the hundreds of people giving chase to Issac. And then, for whatever reason, he threw a couple bolts at Issac too.  
  
        "WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Issac screamed as he fell to the ground in a charred heap.  
  
        "HEY! YOU STUPID GOD!!" Ivan yelled at Thor. The mighty beast turned to him. "YEAH, YOU!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU DON'T SHOCK MY FRIENDS!!!" and with that, Thor shocked Ivan, Sheba, Mia, and Qui too. He then disappeared.  
  
        "Owwww..." Sheba moaned. "What was that about?"  
  
        "I unno. Maybe he's got a pinecone up his a-"  
  
        "Don't you think we should go help Issac?" Qui cut Ivan off. "He looked pretty hurt.?"  
  
        "Yeah I guess so." Ivan said, standing up. He went to flatten his hair out with his hand, but... "_WWWHHHHAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!_" he screamed louder than any man has screamed before.  
  
        "What's wrong?" Qui asked.  
  
        "CAN'T YOU SEE IT?! THAT EFFING GOD BURNED MY HAIR OFF!! I LOOK LIKE A FRIGGIN' MONK NOW!!!" Ivan screamed, bordering on tears.  
  
        "WHOA!" Sheba said, turning and looking at Ivan's smooth bald, slightly burned head. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" she immediately began to laugh hysterically.  
  
        "Phhhh..." Qui struggled to hold back a laugh as well.  
  
        "OH GO AHEAD AND LAUGH!! I'LL JUST HAVE TO KILL YOU AFTER I KILL THAT FRIGGIN' PSYCHOPATH GOD!!!" Ivan yelled.  
  
        "You CAN'T kill a god." Mia said. "Gods are immortal."  
  
        "Oh ho ho ho! Wait and see!" Ivan brushed the dirt off his robes.  
  
        "Wait and see what? You getting impaled with a pine tree?" Qui asked humerously.  
  
        "HEY! I CAN BEAT SOME PANSY ASS GOD!!" Ivan wailed dramatically, causing the three girls to fall to the ground with wild laughter.  
  
        "Sure ya can." Qui said, after recovering from her laughing fit. "Now, shouldn't we help Issac?"  
  
        "Nah, I'd say he's fine." Sheba said, pointing at Issac, who was laying waste to a nearby building.  
  
        "Aww, he's venting his anger again!" Qui said cutely. "We've gotta stop him!"  
  
        "Why? Would you like to stand between a crazy idiot and his target?" Sheba said.  
  
        "Qui's right, Sheba." Mia said. "And why on EARTH would you stand and idly watch a crazy man destroy your city?"  
  
        "Because! Being a lord is HARD!" Sheba said.  
  
        "Uh, I don't mean to disrespect, but aren't you a 'lady'?" Qui said.  
  
        "What?" Sheba asked.  
  
        "If you were a man, you'd be a lord. But since you're a girl, aren't you a lady?" Qui asked.  
  
        "What?!" Sheba exclaimed. "You mean I've been looking like a total idiot all this time!?"  
  
        "Yup, fraid so." Qui said.  
  
        "That would explain people laughing when I gave my speeches." Sheba said thoughtfully.  
  
        "Anyway, we have many issues to tackle here. The first is to stop Issac from lighting that large pile of liquor-soaked furniture he's piled up in front of that house." Mia said, gesturing toward Issac, who was about to light his teeming pile of chairs and tables and even a bed or two on fire.  
  
        "HEY! ISSAC!" Ivan called.  
  
        "WHAT DO YOU WANT, MONK BOY?!" Issac called back.  
  
        "YOU WANT ME TO SEND THE GODS ON YOU AGAIN?!"  
  
        "SURE! BRING 'EM ON, CUE BALL!"  
  
        "IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE GODS HAVE CRAP AIM!"  
  
        "C'MON ALREADY!! SMITE ME!! BRING IT!!"  
  
        "AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!" Ivan gave a loud yell, and right on cue, Thor appeared once more and gave Issac a few powerful shots.  
  
        "OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!" Issac screamed as he ran around in circles, his shirt blazing an orange blaze.  
  
        "HA!" Ivan laughed victoriously. But he laughed a tad too soon. Thor turned around and unleashed a few bolts on Ivan too. "WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU BEARDED SHEEP!!"  
  
        "Oh dear..." Qui moaned from the sidelines. Thor, in a rare show of emotions on his immortal face, looked quite irked indeed at Ivan's rather hurtful words.  
  
        "WHHAAAAAAAA!!!" Ivan screamed as the mighty god shocked him once more, then disappeared into the air.  
  
        "Man, Thor must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed THIS morning, huh?" Sheba joked.  
  
        "This is not a time to be funny, Sheba." Mia said. "Issac is lying on the ground on fire, and he's not moving anymore. And Ivan... Seems to be at the bottom of that smoking crater. Ouch..."  
  
        "Let's go and help them." said Qui, running over to Ivan's smoldering death hole.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: BWA HA HA HA!!! This gets crazier and crazier, huh? Trust me. Whatever doesn't make sense now will make sense next chapter, WHEN EVIL SHALL REAR IT'S MIGHTY HEAD, IN AN ULTIMATE BATTLE FOR WORLD DOMINATION!!! AH HA HA HA HA!!!  
  
(That is called a teaser) 


	11. The League of Extraordinary Wussies

Prey for mercy from   
Mr. Jupiter  
  
### Where the Quest Takes Us ###  
  
Chapter 11 - The League of Extraordinary Wussies  
  
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        "So, are you all right now?" Mia asked Ivan. They had managed to haul him out of the smoking crater he had been blown downwards into. She was holding him up, and he looked quite poor indeed. His head was smooth and bald. His clothes were torn and singed quite badly. And he was sporting a few burns here and there, too. Issac, who was in the same condition, was lying unconscious on the ground nearby.  
  
        "Could I get some help here?" Issac called, his voice uneven and kind of quiet.  
  
        "Hold on." Mia called back, going over to where Issac lay on the ground, his clothes burned and his hair singed. Oh, and his boot was on fire too. "Lay still." Mia instructed.  
  
        "Am I gonna die?" Issac asked in a kind of paranoid voice.  
  
        "No, you aren't going to die. Now relax." Mia reassured him.  
  
        "That's good." Issac said.  
  
        "I think maybe he's lost a few brain cells." said Sheba, who had walked up to them.  
  
        "How's Ivan?" Mia asked.  
  
        "Well, he's not too happy about his-" she tilted her head to the side as a log thrown by Ivan whizzed past her. "He's not too happy about his hair, as you can see, but he's fine healthwise."  
  
        "Don't tell me Ivan's gonna start having wild mood swings now!" said Mia as she ducked below a large boulder Ivan had hurled.  
  
        "Why's he throwing stuff at us?!" Sheba exclaimed.  
  
        "I think he's just aimlessly throwing stuff." Mia observed, as Ivan had just thrown a rock at a tree only to have it bounce back and knock him out.  
  
        "Well, that takes care of that." Sheba said. "Hey, where'd Qui go?"  
  
        "I don't know..." Mia mumbled. She had gone back to tending to Issac, who had begun screeching with pain.  
  
        "IT BURNS!" he yelled. "HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT MY FOOT WAS ON FIRE!!! OOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!"  
  
        "Calm down! The fire's out! You're gonna be fine!" Mia remarked, tying a strip of medical tape around a large gash in Issac's leg.  
  
        "Don't be so sure of that." came a voice from seemingly no where.  
  
        "Who said that?" Sheba demanded, glancing around for the source of the voice. There was no one around, save for Qui, who could now be seen running towards them.  
  
        "I think we should take shelter somewhere!" Qui hollered at them. "There's a real nasty storm coming!"  
  
        "You don't know how right you are." said the mysterious voice.  
  
        "WHO KEEPS SAYING THAT?!" demanded Sheba. At her words, a black silhouette faded into view right in front of them. The silhouette slowly began to gain colour, until a black robed person was standing before them.  
  
        "Greetings, dirtbags." said the robed man.  
  
        "WHAT?!" Issac screamed, jumping up and reaching for his sword. Just as he got to his feet, he gave a loud yelp and fell back down.  
  
        "What's wrong?" Mia asked worriedly.  
  
        "WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG?! MY FOOT WAS ON FIRE!!! DON'T YOU THINK THAT MIGHT BE A TAD SORE?!" Issac screamed, partially because he was in pain, and partially because he's just a psycho.  
  
        "AHEM." coughed the robed man. "I'm not finished here."  
  
        "Oh. Go on." Sheba said.  
  
        "As I was saying, my name is Xavior McGanges." everyone gasped at this, except for Sheba and Mia.  
  
        "What's up?" they looked around at everyone around them.  
  
        "Long story short, he's the guy we're supposed to be, uh... Taking care of." Qui explained.  
  
        "Who's we?" Mia asked.  
  
        "Me, Issac, and Ivan!" Qui said.  
  
        "Oh." Mia sighed, not the slightest bit closer to understanding exactly what was going on.  
  
        "WOULD YOU INGRATES LET ME FINISH!?" Xavior screamed.  
  
        "Oh, sorry." they all said.  
  
        "Anyway, I have come to kill you three." he pointed at the three WUSSCASE agents.  
  
        "What? Why?" Issac asked stupidly.  
  
        "Because you have become annoying."  
  
        "Me? Annoying? YOU WANNA BET ON THAT, YOU FAT PEICE OF SH-"  
  
        "ISSAC!" Qui cut in. "Don't anger the evil thing!"  
  
        "I don't know which one of you is gonna go first, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be YOU, Issac." Xavior said, reaching for the five foot long sword in the holster on his back.  
  
        "How do you know my name?" Issac asked.  
  
        "Uh, I don't think that should be your main concern right now, Issac." Sheba murmured.  
  
        "What? Oh, right!" he said, trying again to stand up. He managed it this time. "PREPARE TO DIE, MYSTERIOUS GUY!" he said, drawing his sword.  
  
        "I can't die. I'm immortal." Xavior scoffed.  
  
        "What? I don't believe in immortality." Issac said.  
  
        "Suit yourself." Xavior said, stabbing himself in the heart. The sword came out without a speck of blood on it, and there wasn't a scratch on his body.  
  
        "Okay, I'm a believer. Can you please spare my life?" Issac whimpered.  
  
        "No."  
  
        "Awww, crap!" Issac said, barely dodging a swing from McGanges' large sword. Issac screamed as another swing barely missed him.  
  
        "What happened to psychotic kill-anyone-who-looks-at-him Issac?" Sheba asked.  
  
        "It was I who made him that way." Xavior explained. "And I have taken that away now, so as to protect my new robes."  
  
        "What?" everyone asked.  
  
        "Too stupid to understand? I figured so." Xavior taunted.  
  
        "I AM NOT STUPID!" Ivan said, leaping at McGanges, only to be knocked away like a small fly.  
  
        "That's mean! Don't do that!" Issac squealed.  
  
        "He went from mass murderer to little girl in one day. How sad..." Qui said.  
  
        "Hey! That's mean too!" Issac said.  
  
        "Keep your eyes on the big sword, Isabella." Qui pointed to Xavior, who was preparing to behead Issac.  
  
        "Oh." Issac said, turning to thr black robed man. He just barely dodged another swing. "DON'T KILL ME! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"  
  
        "So? Why should I care about that? You killed 236 people since you left on this journey." Xaviour sneered.  
  
        "How did you know that?" Issac asked.  
  
        "I've kinda been watching you." Xavior explained.  
  
        "OH, NASTY!! YOU PERVERT!!" Issac screamed.  
  
        "Oh, cut the crap. You aren't exactly a saint yourself."  
  
        "Meaning what?" Issac asked.  
  
        "Uh... Would a saint kill two guards because they were trying to have a PLEASANT CONVERSATION with you?!" Xavior replied.  
  
        "They wouldn't let me in! THEY DESERVED IT!" Issac defended himself.  
  
        "No, everything that's happened to you today, you deserved that for killing so many innocent people." Xavior said.  
  
        "YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU MADE ME DO IT, YOU STUPID PILE OF RAT MANURE!!" Issac screamed, chucking a rock at Xavior. It hit him square in the face.  
  
        "OW! JERK!" Xavior said, swinging at Issac. "WHAT'S WITH THE ATTITUDE!?"  
  
        "I'M A JERK? DIE FOR EVEN THINKING THAT!!!" Issac wailed, throwing another rock at McGanges.  
  
        "YOU WANNA TANGLE, PUNK!! I'LL KILL YOU BEFORE YOU CAN SAY 'SPARE ME!'!!" Xavior taunted.  
  
        "BRING IT, WHELP!" Issac yelled, charging at Xavior, sword in the air.  
  
        "Aaaand, he's back." Qui said. "Maybe he's got enough pent up anger to kill an immortal man."  
  
        "Maybe not kill, but enrage." Sheba said. "Hey, where's Ivan?"  
  
        "DIE STUPID FOOL!" Ivan said, raising his staff. "THOR! I SUMMON YOUR STRENGH!!" Thor's symbol appeared in the sky, and Thor then appeared before Ivan in a flash of light.  
  
        "CRAP!" Xavior cursed, giving Issac a strong kick, sending him flying backwards. He raised his arm, and Thor turned away from him and towards Ivan.  
  
        "No, you stupid god! ATTACK THE ENEMY!!!" Ivan wailed, pointing at Xavior. It didn't work. Thor unleashed a wave of lightning bolts at Ivan.  
  
        "YOU SUCK!!: Ivan said before going unconscious.  
  
        "How did you do that!?" Issac asked, stunned by the strange act of ordering a god around.  
  
        "I am all-powerful. I made sure to have the gods attack you whenever you summoned them." Xavior explained.  
  
        "SO THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!" Ivan screamed, pointing to his charred bald head.  
  
        "Wow, that was a quick recovery." Qui said.  
  
        "LET'S TAKE THIS MENACE DOWN, ISSAC!!" Ivan said, pulling out his staff.  
  
        "Bring it, fools!" Xavior roared. "I WILL DESTROY YOU!!"  
  
        "I'm scared, I don't want to!" Issac said, turning tail and running.  
  
        "GET BACK HERE, WUSS!!!" Ivan said, tackling his fleeing friend to the ground.  
  
        "YOU SUCK!!" Issac cursed Ivan.  
  
        "This guy's our target! If we take him out, that Mage dude's gonna pay us loads of cash! DO THIS FOR THE BLING, MAN!!!" Ivan said, shaking Issac violently.  
  
        "You're right!" Issac said, standing up. "I WILL BE THE WORLD'S RICHEST MAN!!! YYYYAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" he charged at Xavior, Ivan right on his heels.  
  
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Mr. Jupiter: Don't hate me for taking too long. DON'T HATE ME!!! PLEASE!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! IT'S... UH... THE GOVERNMENT'S FAULT!! I WAS FRAMED!!! 


	12. Resident Feeble

The Right Truck

Mr. Jupiter

Where the Quest Takes Us

Chapter 12: Resident Feeble

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"Do you actually think you can best me? Surely you jest!" Xavior scoffed. Issac stopped dead in his tracks.

"Uh, actually, I'm not jesting. I don't even know what that means. But I DO know that I'm charging at you with my trusty sword held high above my head!" Issac spoke heroically.

"And I'm avenging the loss of my precious golden waves of hair!" Ivan said, his scalp still slightly smoking.

"I don't care what you think you're doing. You aren't going to do it!" Xavior said. "But I will gladly permit you to try."

"Let's do this thing!" Issac said. "ISSAC... AWAYYYY!!!" he charged at Xavior. The dark robed sorcerer merely flicked his wrist and laughed as Issac flew several feet backwards, landing in a rather painful position.

"WHOA HO HO HO!!" Issac wailed, as he had landed doing the splits. "NOW THAT BURNS!!"

"Are you all right?" Qui asked.

"NONONONONONO!!!" Issac screamed, as he rolled around on the ground holding his groin.

"I'm having second thoughts about the whole 'Let's do this thing!' thing." Ivan said, backing away slowly.

"No Ivan! Do it for Issac!" Qui said.

"Why in the hell would I want to do it for Issac?" Ivan raised his eyebrow.

"Uh, then do it for the piles of money Lancet Mage is going to award you when you win!" Qui tried again.

"I'm not gonna win. I've known that all along." Ivan said. "I just wanted to look cool..."

"Men. I will never understand them." Sheba commented.

"You're meaningless conversation bores me. "Xavior yawned, pulling out a rather menacing sword, that glowed a deep purple glow. "I'm ready to finish this!" he raised the sinister looking sword, and moved toward Issac, who was still rolling around clasping his crotch and screaming.

"No! Issac!" Mia called.

"Silence, girl!" the sorcerer demanded.

"Yessir."

"Now, to end this once and for all!" Xavior laughed evily as he raised his sword and prepared to slice Issac in two.

"Not so fast, fool!"

"Huh?" everyone began looking around for the source of the comment.

"It is I! Piers the mighty! I have come to stop this madness!" said a now visible figure who stood behind Xavior.

"It's Piers!" Sheba cried out.

"Yes! Indeed it is I! Piers the mighty has come to your aid!" Piers spoke loudly.

"Uh, can I ask why you're talking like an ass?" Issac asked.

"Hey, I was trying to be heroic!" Piers argued.

"JUST SAVE MY ASS, YOU FOOL!!!" Issac wailed.

"Oh, right." Piers mumbled, holding the tip of his sword to Xavior's neck.

"It's you..." Xavior said.

"Yeah. You wanna make something of it?" Piers smiled menacingly. "Ready to die?"

"I'm immortal. I can't die." Xavior pointed out.

"Huh? DAMNIT!!" Piers cursed.

"Yeah, not so heroic now are you? HA HA HA HA HA!! I AM EVILNESS!! WHOO!!"

"Oh-kay, this is gettin' annoying." Qui said. "I'm gonna try something."

"And what's that?" Mia asked.

"You'll see."

"I AM SO E-VIL! I AM SO E-VIL!" Xavior sung as he danced in circles around Issac, who still lay on the ground.

"Hey, big evil sorcerer man!" Qui called.

"Oh look. A thingy! HEE HEE HEE!!" Xavior giggled childishly.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!!" Qui raged.

"What ARE you, anyway? You're so... Tiny..."

"I AM A HUMAN!! I'M JUST SMALL!! DOES THAT MAKE ME SOME KIND OF FREAK!?" Qui screamed.

"Uh, kind of..." Issac mumbled from his resting place in the dirt.

"YOU SHUT UP!!" Qui yelled at him. She turned to McGanges. "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!"

"Uh huh. And what, pray tell, are you going to do? Crawl into my ear and feast on my brain?" Xavior spoke sarcastically.

"Why? Will that kill you?" Qui asked.

"Well, as immortal as I am, I still need a brain to live, so..."

"WHOO HOO! CONVENIENT WEAKNESS!!!" Qui yelled as she jumped at Xavior's head.

"What the- HEY! YOU PUNKASS BITCH!! GET OFF MY HEAD!!" Xavior yelled as he spun in circles, trying to shake Qui off.

"As much as I hate to do this..." Qui said, as she closed her eyes. She began to glow pink, and suddenly began to get even smaller. Once she reached about the size of a piece of rice, she jumped into Xavior's ear.

"Oh god no." Xavior said, standing perfectly still. Everyone stood staring, fixated on his face. He began to moan, and his eyes began to grow dim.

"What's happening! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!! HOW CAN this... be... ha... pen..." he didn't even finish his sentence before he fell to the ground in a heap. In a flash of pink, Qui stood on his now lifeless head.

"Whoo! Now THAT was cool!" she said. Everyone stood and stared, stunned looks on their faces.

"What the hell just happened?" Ivan asked, his eyes wide.

"I just cut his brain out of his head! I killed someone who's immortal!" Qui said proudly.

"YOU GO GIRL!" Issac cheered.

"I must admit, I wasn't expecting THAT when I left this morning." Piers said.

"Why did you come, anyway?" Mia asked. "And how did you know where we were?"

"It's a long story. Let's go find a place to rest, and I'll tell my story." Piers suggested.

"Sounds good!" Sheba said.

When the gang got back to Tolbi Palace, they bandaged up their wounds and then sat down to hear Piers' story.

"It all started this morning when I went to send a letter to Issac." Piers started. "I arrived at the post office only to find that there was no one there to help me. I really wanted to send this letter, because I'd all ready sent several to Issac, and he hadn't sent any back."

"I never got the damn things. That McGanges guy kept them all." Issac explained.

"I learned that this morning. A guy who called himself Lancet Mage was at the post office and told me everything. He told me how this Xavior guy wanted to kill you, and how he was using some kind of mind control to slowly make you homicidal and dangerous. He held all my letters to you to speed the process up. When you decided to come and 'teach me a lesson', you walked right into his trap."

"You met Lancet Mage? DUDE!" Issac said, hi-5ing Piers.

"Uh... What's wrong with you?" Piers asked.

"I'm a little too happy about not being psychotic anymore." Issac explained.

"Oh. Anyway, I left Lemuria this morning, hoping it wasn't too late to stop you from coming. But... It was." Piers said

"So, when do we get payed for killing that fool, anyway?" Ivan asked.

"You don't." came a familliar voice.

"Hey, it's Lancet Mage! 'Sup, brother!" Issac asked, hi-5ing Lancet too.

"I'll tell you 'sup. I'm not paying you anything, because it was acctually Qui here who killed McGanges." Lancet said bluntly. Both Issac and Ivan stood stunned for a moment before Issac spoke up.

"YOU LIEING, THIEVING PILE OF WORTHLESS TRASH!! YOU KNEW ALL ALONG, DIDN'T YOU!! YOU PUNK!!" Issac grabbed a nearby chair and threw it at Lancet.

"Oh, HELL no!" Lancet cursed, before teleporting away.

"YAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Issac screamed, fliping over a table and setting fire to the drapes with a nearby torch.

"He's gonna start this crap again, is he? Man, this guy gets annoying." Qui said.

"I am very mad at you." Ivan said. "YOU ROBBED ME OF MY FORTUNE!!! YOU SHALL BURN, WENCH!!!" he grabbed a nearby brick and chucked it at Qui.

"I'm gone! It was nice meeting you guys! Bye!" Qui yelled over her shoulder as she ran out the front door. Issac crawled over to Sheba, Mia, and Piers, breathing heavily.

"So, now what?" he asked.

"Uh, you should go live in a hole, because your going to be wanted for, like, 236 counts of murder." Mia said.

"Oh, yeah, that." Issac said. "I guess you're right. Well, I'll be in an undisclosed location for an undisclosed amount of time. See y'all later." Issac said. He hung his head, and trudged out.

"Man, I hope we get to see him again." Ivan said.

"I wouldn't count on it." Sheba said.

"Neither would I." Mia agreed.

"Good luck, Issac. Good luck." Piers said, saluting Issac.

"What's next for us?" Ivan looked at his three friends.

"I guess we'd better head home." Mia said. "What about you Sheba? I guess you've got some explaining to do, huh?"

"Nah, I'm hanging up my mayoral sash. I'm gonna go live up north with you, Mia. I'm sick of politics." Sheba said.

"Sounds good!" Mia smiled. "Well, I'm gonna take off. Nice seeing you all again! Bye!" she turned and headed for the door, Sheba right behind her.

"Well, it looks like it's just you and me, buddy." Piers said to Ivan.

"So true. What will we do with ourselves?" Ivan asked.

"Only time will tell, my friend. Only time will tell."

¥#¥ THE END ¥#¥


	13. WUSSCASE Files

****

WUSSCASE FILE #002831734: ISSAC OF VALE WHEREABOUTS

Upon leaving Tolbi, Issac decided to hide in the secluded town of Loho, and quickly gained local fame. At the time of his last contact with the outside world, Issac reported himself as being "something of a local deity." Although we have no confirmation of his bragging, a traveller who had passed through the town recently reported to have seen "several dwarves carrying a larger blonde male around on their backs." The traveller is supposed to be telling the truth. Upon our regular checks on Loho, the locals always tell us that Issac is "attending to buisness outside of town", although we have reason to believe he's just hiding in someone's cellar and eating their food. Issac is currently wanted for 236 counts of aggravated murder.

****

WUSSCASE FILE #002831735: IVAN OF KALAY WHEREABOUTS

After leaving Tolbi in the company of Piers (see file #002831736), Ivan wasn't seen or heard from for several months. In recent reports from the Apojii Islands, Ivan's exact description is given, along with reports that he has been making excessive amounts of gold by telling curious villagers and travellers his storys. Although there has been no confirmation that this is in fact Ivan, further investigation reveals that Piers has been sighted in the Apojii Islands as well, leading us to believe that Ivan is in fact making a living as a story teller. Our agents in the field are currently trying to confirm this.

**WUSSCASE FILE #002831736: PIERS OF LEMURIA WHEREABOUTS**

After leaving Tolbi alongside his accomplice Ivan, Piers was not sighted for several months. Although a confirmed sighting has not been made to this day, reports from the Apojii Islands give a description of a "blue haired man wearing a veil" being sighted in various locations around the island. Confirmation has not been made that this is in fact Piers, although there is a certain level of confidence in the fact that Ivan of Kalay (see file #002831735) has been sighted on the Islands. The man thought to be Piers is commonly seen crouching behind buildings and crying, as well as muttering something to the effect of "I wish I were at home". It has also been reported that Piers makes enough money to live off of by picking and selling local mushrooms, some having hallucinogenic qualities.

**WUSSCASE FILE #002831737: MIA OF IMIL WHEREABOUTS**

Our agent in Imil confirms Mia arrived in Imil nine days after leaving Tolbi alongside her accomplice Sheba. Mia has abided by the law since then, showing no strange behaviour or any signs of changing her ways at all. Although our agent reported that Mia contacted Issac (see file #002831734) via letter, the letter was never found. No plans are being made to question Mia on Issac's whereabouts.

**WUSSCASE FILE #002831738: SHEBA OF TOLBI WHEREABOUTS**

Sheba left Tolbi at the side of her accomplice Mia, leaving behind nearly all of her possesions. A note was found on her throne, the note reading as follows: "Dear Tolbians, in light of recent events revolving around my friends, I have decided to give up my leadership and move far away. I hereby hand leadership to whoever finds this note." Although she was not sighted in the six weeks following her departure from Tolbi, a confirmed sighting was made at the Mercury Lighthouse. Here, Sheba was reported by an Imil native as "writing questionable language on the lighthouse." This was confirmed by our Imil Agent, who visited Sheba at her new Imil residence, and found several cans of spray paint hidden poorly behind a decorative table. Permission is pending to arrest Sheba and bring her to our headquarters for questioning.

**WUSSCASE FILE #002831739: STATUS OF TOLBI**

Although Tolbi recieved heavy casualties following a visit from Issac of Vale (see file #002831734), and Ivan of Kalay (see file #002831735), the townsfolk are currently reported as being calm, but not content. Their leader, Lady Sheba, (see file #002831738), took off several months ago, leaving behind a note stating that she "hereby hands leadership (of Tolbi) to whoever finds this note." Unfortunately, a dog technically found the note, and brought it to it's owner. The owner is trying to claim leadership, but professional lawyers maintain that the town is currently being run by a dog. The townsfolk wish for an election, but Lady Sheba's note is legally binding, according to Tolbi bylaw #4857. The dog currently will not sign a form which calls for cleanup of Tolbi following Issac and Ivan's exploits, so the town is in ruins.


End file.
